It's Friday. Sex?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
