Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
