I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Man, jail baloney is awful.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Randomize
