I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
