i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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