I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize