is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Life is so much better after having sex.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize