I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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