i may or may not be watching the land before time
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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