wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
