i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize