Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
