So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
