opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
