So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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