Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
