why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
