you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
