how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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