Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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