Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
be right there i have to get my cape
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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