i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
