I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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