you turned your livingroom into a bong?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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