how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
