He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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