I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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