i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize