but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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