I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
