Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize