You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
