i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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