I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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