He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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