Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
