she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
