She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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