you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize