Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
