Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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