think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm passing your future prison.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
