Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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