the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize