i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
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