Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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