I'm jealous of your bromance
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
