so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
