There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
There was a lot of him and a little penis
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
