Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
