is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
