he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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