okay pat passed out under dana's car
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
