Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
