how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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