Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
