the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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