i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize