Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
