I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize