i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
