ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize