i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
