happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
