You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Randomize
