Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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