Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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