Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
