I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize